Add all dressing ingredients to a food processor starting with 3 tbsp milk. Blend until completely smooth. Taste and adjust salt, pepper, and milk as needed. Set aside for at least 20 minutes to allow flavors to develop.

Place bacon in a cold skillet with no oil. Heat to medium-high and cook until golden and crispy on both sides. Transfer to paper towels to drain, then chop once cooled.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Toast bread for 1 minute until surface is dry but not browned. Rub both sides firmly with the cut side of the garlic clove. Cut into cubes to make about 1.5 cups. Drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with salt, and bake until golden brown, about 7 minutes for sandwich bread or 12 to 15 minutes for sourdough. Shake the tray once halfway through.

Optional chicken: Pound chicken to 1/2 inch thickness or slice horizontally. Season with salt and pepper. Cook in bacon fat over medium-high heat, 5 minutes first side and 2 minutes second side. Rest under foil for 5 minutes then slice.

Optional eggs: Place eggs in a saucepan and cover with cold water. Bring to a simmer over medium-high heat. Reduce to a gentle simmer and cook 3 minutes for soft centers or 4 minutes for firm yolks. Transfer to cold water for 5 minutes then peel.

Add romaine to a large bowl with half the dressing. Toss generously, taste, and add more dressing as desired. Transfer to serving bowl. Top with sliced chicken and halved eggs if using. Scatter bacon and croutons over the top. Finish with freshly grated parmesan and serve immediately.